An Ode to the Musical Woman…

Women. Beautiful. Strong. Inspiring. Brave. Powerful beyond measure. Musical.

Qwela: Visionary. A melting pot of truly talented and authentic musicians.

The Qwela Junction Diva’s Edition: A mind-blowing idea.

It’s been just over one month since we started rehearsals for the next edition of the Qwela Junction. But MY GAAAAAAAASH I am more than excited. But what I love the absolute most about this show (before the show actually gets here) is the spirit. The spirit of warmth; the spirit of love that only women can bring. It’s the encouragement and the support and open heartedness that has me appreciating music in an amazingly different way. It’s 6 different women, different styles, different ages, different experiences all coming together to put together a once in a lifetime Ugandan musical experience…

I am TOTALLY in love with the women I have met… I just had to first jazz you about each of them abit ko and you also feel jealous!!!!

Sandra Suubi aka Suubz aka Sanj aka Sanji… She. Her voice. Her presence is a FORCE to be noticed and reckoned with. She was honered with winning the Airtel Trace Music Star competition in Uganda… this girl can sing. But what amazes me is her vision of music. She hears things that are magnificent and elaborate and seemingly impossible!! And when she sings… my Good Lord… she moves. She has versatility that knows no boundaries. From the most sensual and sweetest melodic lines to the most powerful and acrobatic runs and adlibs. She’s like a lioness. She is powerful. She is power. She is favored. She is woman.

see Suubi… she’s seeing things again…

Solome Basuuta… this woman has my heart. She is BRAVE. She left “mainstream” work – working a 8-5 in a Bank to pursue her calling in music. She is spiritual and man is she focussed. What amazes me about her is her vocal range… it spans about 5 octaves and effortlessly does so. What would be ME screaming is HER just singing a C5. Solome is a gift. She has become a sister who I see so much greatness in and I so look forward to her future. She also wrote a song about my life… A fortune teller delicately holding her glass crystal seeing me in it and singing to my life! Although she doesn’t know this… (Well maybe after reading this she will know) her song entitled “instruments”… was literally… written for me (which is also why I shall be singing it at the Qwela Junction Divas Edition. She is heartfelt and so genuine.

every ready! WERRRRK WERKK!

Rachel Magoola is grace. She is generations of musical struggle and a breakthrough of elegance. She has seen it ALL… and when we had a ladies dinner the other day, she shared so much wisdom and a wonderful story about where we have come from as an industry and why it is so much easier for us as woman today in the live music to sing and to perform with so much less judgment and why people hear us when we sing. She is a queen; elegantly balancing beautiful musical pots atop her crown. Plus Her letting us remix Obangaina in the manner in which we have… is also testament to the confidence she has in us and our interpretation of her original awesomeness!!! It’s gonna be epic!

there’s that gracefulness I was on about earlier… werrking.

Naava Grey… this wonderful soul. She’s a free spirit and gives us way to much comedic armour to joke on whatsapp groups and rehearsals. But Naava sings from such a beautiful place. She sings from experience; from her background and it is beautiful. She’s the most mainstream out of all the ladies and her songs like “Omuloge” and “Sokhalami” are totally groovy. She is coy… a wild panther stilled in high grass!! Naava has a very subtle strength about her that comes alive through her sensual musicality… Girllllll… we have gone to werrrk.

Yeah… I’m werrking.

 

Jemimah… Aka The Stage Gladiator. This woman can modulate between the most humblest of beings into a fiery tumultuous performer and it is AMAZING watch!!!! She is rhythmic!! Which is something we have in common. She is a dancer. She is a performer. My Goodness she is a PERFORMER! When that beat drops… she takes it DOWN in a way that VERY FEW (if any) women in UG have the balls to. She is befitting of her stage name because she is fearless. I’m so excited to strangle some drummers and kick some keyboards down with her come 29^th November.

One second… let me sip this tea…

Rita Sabiiti… Our very own Guitar Maestress (yeah… I just made that word up)… she took down a lingala solo on her electric the other day and we all walked out of the room like WHAT THE HELL???? But that’s not all… she hasn’t even arrived. She only really arrives when she picks up her acoustic guitar. It is yearning, deep and reminiscent of a black and white Spanish movie. See this gazelle! She is a teacher, a patient woman and she has so happily embraced our awkward style of communication. Rita… Clearly I was in Masaka and you were still in Kyengera waiting for the bus when we started the song. As in… you were thoooooooose ends!

ritaaaaaaah! Jangu’enoooo!

Moral of the story… There is power in the woman. There is even more power in women coming together. And this show is just that. 6 women, forces in their own right, coming together to put together one hell of a show.

Qwela Junction. Divas Edition. Sunday 29^th November 2015. Kampala Serena Hotel. 50k. Get your tickets… like yesterday.

• MoRoots

Little gems from the sound cup…

It started off as your ordinary Thursday… The last day of work before going into the long weekend… People were rushing. Rushing to leave, rushing to go drink , rushing to their FOMO destinations (do people still use that FOMO acronym anymore?), rushing to the village, running from work, I was rushing for a date at the sound cup. A date with music…

#GoodThursdayWithMoRoots was a beautiful evening! Have a look at some of the pics… Tell me hear pics aren’t pretty and I first slap you ko… 😀 hope you had a beautiful Easter weekend!

EAT LESS. LOVE. PRAY.

It’s popular business for resolutions to be thrown around come this time of the year. I think there’s something great about having a new year, with new ambitions. I am also a firm believer in writing stuff down, like contracts… makes that ish official. So here’s me, making my contract with 2014. It’s not an elaborate list. Just 3 things… Eat Less. Love. Pray. Eh… and DANCE!

Drop them thigh fats – yes I know it’s a common one. But the other day, someone sat down next to me looking EXTREMELY concerned. Held my hand and put one around my shoulder…

Concerned looking person: Mau, is everything OK with you? I’ve noticed you’ve been eating ice-cream quite a bit.
Me: *Nods head* Yes, I really like Ice-cream.
Concerned looking person: You know when my sister was pregnant; she ate a lot of ice-cream too…
Me: EXCUUUUUUUUSSSE ME? Leave. Go. Just go. Close the door on the way out.

The audacity!!! The audacity of this chump to assume and then be so comfortable as to let me know about it! But I looked in the mirror shortly after that horrific exchange, and admitted (not realized… I realized a few months ago, but decided to be in conscious denial of my increased love for food and all things edible and their inevitable impact on my back fats)… I have put on a bit of weight – of which I actually love, but what has my wonderful new bodily curvatures done for my health? Negative Nothing!! I’m tired quickly, my knees hurt sometimes, my jeans… let’s not even talk about my size 12 jeans… Moral of the story… Thank you concerned looking person… for you are the friend that nudged me back to ACTUAL reality. With the help of the gas that Ms. Apenyo and Fitclique256 shall give me… I’ll be on my down that scale ever so soon!

Practice! I play instruments. I’m a marketer. I have however stopped making an effort to better myself in both these practices!! I’m devoting time to actually sitting down playing the piano – scales and stuff (do hear the conviction in that statement?! SCALES AND STUFF!) I need to slow down with this enthusiasm! 😀 I WILL practice my saxophone more. I WILL read books about marketing and maybe take a class online… ALL THIS I WIIIIIILLL!!!

DANCE!! I LOVE TO DANCE. Some say I don’t do it very well… We call those people sisters. I love how I dance, it’s random, off beat SOMETIMES, but in an on beat kinda way – I dance to those subliminal rythms that guys with ordinary ears can’t even here… and I do this with soooo much feeling! *cue American accent* So all y’all who be outchere saying I can’t move… *End* I also want to get more into traditional dancing. I LOVE OUR MOVEMENTS! I had made a great start this year taking classes… but my dance teacher unfortunately left for outside countries. It was a sad day for my hips. So, all opportunities to dance shall be ceased!! At the beach? In the club perhaps? At those salsa nights that happen at Alleygators and BodaBoda every so often… It’s you and me baby!

PRAY! I’m a very lucky person. Actually, I’m a very BLESSED person. I have a tendency to thank myself for when I’m awesome and drowning in fantasticness… THAT’S ALLLL ME. My hardwork! But catch me when something’s gone amiss… when that saxophone strap unclips during a solo and I nearly break my thumb… when that tire goes flat on that hill going up to Makerere from LDC, WHEN I don’t see that tiny “wet floor” yellow stand and I slip and fall… that’s ALLLL God. That’s HIS terrible plan. With nothing to do with me! This WILL change in 2014. All things, good and bad, great or horrific, are His plan. So… More credit to Him in 2014.

Guys… have a freaking AWESSSSSOOOOOOOOME New Years. And see you in 2014! :-*

Love, peace, musical geese.

2013… A great year to be me

It’s been ages since I last blogged and there is so much that has happened, changed, come, gone… Resolutions made early in the year… And proudly ticking them off the list! Listen! For the horse is about to speak! I’m feeling reflecty…

2013 saw me taking a break from alcohol. After an amazing holiday in Zanzibar, I came back darker than ever, peeling skin and with a list of resolutions I was determined I fulfill… It’s October going on November now… And i have thus far been successfully sober this year… Resolution one… Tick!

2013 saw me finding love! Sorry… No kiss and tell here 😀 It wasn’t a resolution but it has been the greatest highlight of this year… Him being awesome… Tick!

2013 gave birth to my beautiful nephew(s)! Shaka… Amara… Aaron… My siblings are popping babies left right and center! And I’m very blessed. You know me, that cool aunty that spoils, then disappears… Yeah. That’s me.

2013 has seen me sing! I have sang my ass off this year… Blown that saxophone like a crazy lady, and loved it! The appreciation and love from everyone, indescribable!!! The talent in this country… AMAZING!!!!! The musicians I know (no name dropping *cough cough*)… CRAZY! I finally had a chance to record my own music which I’ll be putting out soon for y’all to hear 😉 My Music… TICK!! SoulDeep… BOOOM!!

2013 found my professional career take FLIGHT! It comes as a surprise to people that I have a day job… As a marketeer. Yes. I go to office every day and there’s a lady that brings fruits in at around 11am 😀 working in an advertising agency has been challenging, relevant, hard and exciting all at the same time. Working at MAAD was an overall blast! Crazy, retarded, manic accounts and clients alike. 2013 has also seen me move on… 😦 From Agency to Client side and I look forward to what this new job has in store for me!!!! Eeeeeeeekkk!! BAAWLIN… Tick.

Yes, this blog was all about me.
It’s the end of my birthday week. I’m allowed.
And I’m still accepting birthday presents.
I’m out.

It is OK to love. Right? YES! … No. Wait. Actually is it?

So it’s possible. They say… Actually I don’t know exactly what they say about anything being possible in love. But I know they say something about it. It is an absurd thing. Defined by the dictionary as:

1. a strong feeling of affection
2. a great interest and pleasure in something

Personally, it’s not a word that has come out of my mouth all that easy. Much like the struggle a dentist has prying out a decayed molar from your gum, that, multiplied by 1000 is how difficult it was for me to utter that word. A combination of not hearing it being said a lot, paired with the dramatizations of its uttering on Days of Our Lives, left me thinking… oh lawrd that’s a scary word. I still think it is but writing it down allows the rationalization of the irrational to happen quite easy for me. So, here are 10 mostly-hypothetical (but rooted in proven scientific research) MOfacts and random bits and bobs about L.O.V.E.…

1. MOfact 23: It is possible to love at first sight.
2. That potential boyfriend who went from potential to non-existent possibly because you didn’t say you loved him back when he said it to you… thrice. So, this most definitely sucks for him. You are both standing at the bridge and you are sure that because of your silence and quick change of subject to the awkward grey weather, there’s a 70% chance he may jump off into the River. But this also sucks for you because now you’ll never know what the potential could have turned into because you were scared to say that word.
3. God loves people. He tells us to love one another, which means loving can’t be all that bad right?
4. MOfact 423: You can love very many people. In different ways. It is also possible to love many people in the same way at the same time.
5. The guy who says it to you all the time. At first, ermmmm awkward much? I am shocked by the boldness and a little intrigued about this seemingly slightly crazy person. But on second thought… It is a BEAUTIFUL word that warms your belly every time it’s said to you. So, by way of simple logic, if you say it to someone, they in turn shall feel the same tingly warmth that you feel? Therefore, it can’t be all that bad to say, right?
6. MOfact 784: Writing/Texting/Saying “Love ya” and “I love you” are in no way the same thing! They carry different statement weightings.
7. Your best friend who constantly reminds you how much they love you. Now to me, this is possibly the most simply and awesome of loves. It’s the easiest to accept and reciprocate. I personally LOVE my best friend. Seriously I do. Sometimes a little more than is healthy. I occasionally stalk her life, and if it wasn’t for the distance of seas that separate us, I’d be all up in her grill all the time. But you know how long it took me to say it?
   

   Me and my bezzie!

8. MOfact 1211: It is not something that you can time. Much like diarrhea, when it comes, it comes. Except you don’t have to rush to the toilet to get rid of it. 😀
9. When you like something sooooooooooo much, the word like just doesn’t do it justice… You must use the word love. I love meat. I love kachumbari. I love music. I love red wine. All these things I love!
10. MOfact 789: Is there a difference between loving and being in love? Wait. That’s not a fact. That’s just a question.
11. MOfact 544: Females love differently from males.

I’m always in search of answers. So if you have some, share. I’d love that!

The night I fell in love with music again…

As dramatic as the title of this sounds, allow me, I’m allowed to bring the drama once in a while. But in all seriousness…

I was invited to do a 2hour Jam Session at FasFas last week on Wednesday… I wanted to share this video and the little thought that accompanied it that I wasn’t able to articulate until now; because that night, I drove home in SILENCE. I was simply overwhelmed. In a state of beautiful musically induced euphoria. I doubt that the memory of that night shall ever go away… But while it is still fresh in my memory…

For me, it really is the simple things. For me, it was the fact that all these people that I have only known for not that long dropped whatever it was they had to be doing on a Wednesday night, to come through and support and share in this beautiful thing called music. A shoutout and thank you to music, for having the ability to bring people together, and my friends aka lovers that were there.

Having been feeling under the weather for most of the week, I WILLED by body to be strong, I WILLED for my throat to heal, despite sounding like a voiceless frog from Sunday night. I was nervous and worried that I would let these people down. But it turns out I had absolutely nothing to worry about with these fabulous men who were the musical BACKBONE that I needed that night.

I love that there was an almost tangible synergy between everyone that came up on stage. That we were able to take a simple chord progression, and turn it inside out, upside down until it was unrecognisable but all the more beautiful.

Cheers, to so much more to come!

(Spread The Video)

xx Mo xx

ermmmm #ICANTDATEYOU

You know how 3 months ago I said that I would dedicate a blog to a Twitter trending topic… EVERY MONTH? Well needless to say, I have been slacking in the writing department. Blame it on exhaustion, work beating me up, life outside work taking over my life, nyeh, call it what you want… morale of the story, I’m back bitch. and #ITSAREVOLUTION all day every day.

So the trend that caught my eye on twitter this week was #ICantDateYou… people proceeded to let rip of reasons why they won’t date people. Several ideas sprouted like green beans to my head: “because you are shorter than me”, “you only have one eye”, “because you have ugly toes”, “you don’t wear socks with trainers”…

But I can only elaborate on a few…

#ICantDateYou if you suffer from bipolar disorder. If one minute you shall love me tender and give me sweet kisses then in the next second proceed to thrust me against the wall screaming fuckingskankwhorefuckingfuckfuckiloveyou… we are going to have a problem. I realize this is quite the extreme of scenario, however, what I mean is that I will not date you if you’re hot and cold, day and night, winter and summer in the same sentence. A little consistency goes a long way. No one wants to be treading on their tiptoes around your ass for fear of saying or doing something that will incite violence.

#ICantDateYou if you’re not loved by my family. Now, this is an especially personal one for me, because my family and I are TIGHT. I love no one more than my family, my siblings are my best friends and if you want to hang with me, you must be able to hang with them. Please do not expect me to put you before any of them because you will most probably be disappointed every time. But lucky for you, my family is just as awesome as I am, and if I like you, they most likely will…

#ICantDateYou if you send one-worded texts. This shit is just plain irritating and it shall force me to never text you back. In my head, texting is a conversation taking place because we are separated by space. SO if our conversation FACE TO FACE GOES LIKE THIS:

Me: How was your day babe?

Him: Oh, fine baby, had a long day at work boo, my boss was on my ass the whole day… (Notice how my boyfriend calls me baby and boo)

THEN WHY SHOULD THIS BE THE TEXT VERSION:

Me: How was your day babe?

Him: Cool.

Hmph. I shall passive aggressively (although I don’t really know how aggressive this comes across) reply your one-worded answer with a 3 paged essay that resolves with a series of several questions, leaving your ass TRAPPED to answer me back properly!

Me: So what you got planned for tomorrow? You wanna get drinks? What time do you finish work?

Now, if you are dating the ultimate asshole this is what you’ll get in return:

Him: Nothing. No. 5.

At which point I shall reply with two words: FUCK YOU.

#ICantDateYou if you don’t like cuddling and giving hugs. I AM A HUGGER. The tighter the better, the longer the better! I also like to hold on to your arm and particularly enjoying sitting on a couch hugging aka cuddling. So, if you are one of these “you’re in my personal space” types, we have problems, as when it comes to cuddling time, I know no concept of personal space. Your space, is mine, your chest will be my pillow, I shall caress your arm and you shall love it 😀

#ICantDateYou if you are married already. I don’t know what else to say really. This seems pretty self explanatory.

#ICantDateYou if you’re a hoe. Everyone has a past. No, scratch that. It’s not true. Not everyone has a past. Maybe what I mean to say is that we’ve all done things in our past, fair enough, no judgment, you were young, you were excited about hitting puberty, you got excited that your voice broke, your testicles dropped, you felt it necessary to ensure that they were producing the things they were supposed to be producing. GREAT. Remind me why you have then continued to go around humping everything that wears a skirt? I leave such behavior for the likes of my German Shepherd… because he is a dog. Take your loose balls and sloppy tongue elsewhere.

#ICantDateYou if you take life too seriously and get embarrassed too quickly. I laugh loud, as afore mentioned I give hugs not handshakes, I hold people on their arms (especially when they are big arms), I stand up and do impressions, SO if you are one of those always cringing-can’t take a joke – hiding in embarrassment types… I have only this to say: to the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left.

#ICantDateYou if you don’t like music. I feel like this doesn’t deserve an explanation, but I shall explain. I eat music, drink it, sleep with it, I have musician friends (I feel to name drop but I shall resist the temptation :-D). Music is a part of me, so if you have the audacity to step into a room and tell me to turn off the music or to stop playing the piano… eh. You’re balls are big, but unwanted. So please extend away from me.

#ICantDateYou if you want to be all up in my business all the time… talking about where are you? Who you with? When you coming home? Why didn’t you invite me? Please have your own life. Go hang out with your guy friends for a day, I’ll meet you later. It is unattractive to be needy or suspicious. 

The list can genuinely go on for another 3 pages, as this topic has been trending 4 days now 😀 BUT let’s end it on a positive note… I WILL DATE YOU if you love life, live life and make me laugh.

Mosquitoes did this to me!!!!!!

“Eeeeewww! What’s wrong with your face Mau??”

Now, I’m not used to hearing this (firstly because it’s not a nice thing to ask someone first thing in the morning, and secondly, I’d like to think that my face in the morning doesn’t warrant this question…) “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!” I ran to the mirror in PANIC. Only to see the one side of my eye SWOLLEN, and underneath my left eye basically looked like someone inserted a grape underneath it. HWHAT?! How can I wake up this morning with my face looking like I just ran into a wall of thorns just before meeting rocky balboa (in his prime) in a dark alley?

Before you jump to conclusions of me being a night dancer or someone that frequently falls asleep in dinjy places (I know what some of you think of me…) No, I didn’t get beaten up… I got BITTEN… by about 7 mosquitoes. YES MOSQUITOES DID THIS TO ME!! Do you know the ANGER in me when I saw seven of these little buzzing shits just CHILLING on my mosquito net so drunk and full on O+ blood?!?

My blood (the little that is left in my body after it being SUCKED out of me) was BOILING! You should’ve seen me, I was like a woman possessed who had just found her husband cheating on her with the houseboy. Picture the CRAZY of diary of a mad black woman meets the GYRATING of Jerry Maguire meets BLOODY EXCESSIVE KILLINGS of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre guy meets the PRECISION of the guy in Sniper. Yeah… that was me in my bed this morning. On a killing spree. And I made sure not a single one of those assholes survived! I killed them. I killed them all!!!!

And yet, I didn’t feel even a wincey bit better as I looked down at my palms now painted red with my very own blood.

I’m not crazy. There is reason behind my seemingly barbaric actions. Ask me where I spent Christmas ’11… (*imagine you’ve asked me*) I was in a hospital. In a village somewhere inbetween Ibanda and Kamwenge. Being tended to by a Congolese Doctor. With an IV drip stuck into my wrist. Vomiting my life up. As in I was vomiting the air I was breathing. With the room spinning. And everyone’s voice sounding like 100 times louder than it was. It was all very unnecessary. So forgive me, forgive me for having NO TOLERANCE for this fucking Aedes aegypti!! *Breathe*

And so you learn something new today and reading this blog hasn’t been a complete waste of your time, below are some Mosquito facts that you probably didn’t know:

• There are about 3000 species of these fuckers
• They don’t only carry Malaria. These bitches can give you dengue fever!
• It’s just the women that eat you
• They don’t see very well but they smell you from 30 meters away!
• They don’t have a long life span (20days) but they clearly live long enough to create misery
• These bitches can give birth to up to 3000 similarly bastard babies
• They grow into adults in 7 days. As in:
  • day 1:new born
  • day2: toddler
  • day 3:goes to school
  • day 4-hits puberty
  • day 5-adult
  • day 6-parent
  • day 7-grandparent

Oh yah… insecticide doesn’t work. Zappers don’t either. Neither does repellent (coz it apparently tastes good) and coils only work if you are in the room as its burning. Go ahead and do that. Choke yourself inhaling coil smoke but its ok, because at least they aren’t giving you Tuberculosis!

Mosquitoes... MOSQUITOES did this to me!

Hi, I’m Gabriella and I’m an alcoholic, chain smoker, pessimist, occasional pot-head, free spirited love-seeking addict.

Happy Tuesday everyone!! Glad you made it successfully through last week and the experience that your weekend was. I hope that whatever you did, you thoroughly enjoyed it, you laughed, you played, you lived and you loved. For me, this weekend was a reminder about how unserious and undisciplined I am when it comes to life in general and the promises I make to myself.

Let’s start with Wednesday. Ash Wednesday no less. The beginning of the lent period. A period to fast, rekindle and re-energize that relationship with God and remind yourself about the struggle that our wonderful savior endured for us (if you are Christian). If not, lent is just some random thing some people do for 40days.

So this Ash Wednesday I made a list of things I was thinking about giving up… The usual ones come up every year… Alcohol, Meat, Carbs (lent is the PERFECT excuse/reason to start that Atkins diet you’ve otherwise been too lazy to start), inhalation of anything really, tobacco sticks, green sticks, sheesha, exhaust fumes from nasty trucks at the Mukwano roundabout… so I decided to be ambitious and say you know what? LET ME TRY A FULL DETOX, LETS GET RID OF ALL THESE BAD, BODY HARMFUL HABITS THIS YEAR!!

The trouble with overpromising yourself when you have a history of being a constant let-down and a defiant ability to not do anything you tell yourself to do, you already see how I am setting myself up for failure? So this is the breakdown of how my lent promises crumbled in front of my very eyes everyday this week starting from Ash Wednesday…

After work I went and met my Dad for an after work drink. I had every intention of getting there, just ordering a Krest and enjoying the sober company of loads of old guys talking politics and tennis, really I did, for what else would I want out of a Wednesday evening?! But with the pressure of all the alcohol around me, the waitress came over and before I could stop myself “A glass of red wine please” slipped out of my mouth. “Dry, Merlot, Thanks”. I mean I could’ve cancelled the order as quickly as I gave it, but there was something in me that defiantly didn’t want to. Fuck it. So I’m not giving up alcohol for lent. What else is on the list?

Thursday comes, work goes, after work arrives and on the way home stuck in the slow moving traffic jam of Kampala’s red light district (aka Kabalagala… aka my endz), that smell, that damn smell of that bloody gorgeous roasting street chicken just forces its way into my nostrils and massages my nasal glands… I instruct my fabulous brother whom I love to death, Yo stop the car. And like a sleep-walker in a trans, I get out and head to the nearest sigiri. With 2 bitambi pieces and 4 sticks of chicken gizzards in hand I ran back into the car and I savagely devoured every last bit of burnt meat on those sticks and bones before even reaching home! That’s how I’m not giving up meat for lent.

Friday knocks on my door, and I am excited as a mother! I love my weekends. I look forward to my weekends sooo much, my weekends are usually planned by Thursday afternoon. So I knew where I was gonna be on Friday night, I knew what I was doing Saturday during the day and how that would tie perfectly into my Saturday night plans. It was a very good friend of mines birthday, we went to his house ready and prepped to have a civilized night of drinking with just one bottle of wine.

On leaving there, it turns out that the one bottle of wine morphed into 2 muzinga’s of Glbey’s Gin and a Smirnoff, it also magically transformed itself into half a box of tobacco sticks, in addition to this, a couple sticks of that green plant were inhaled and on the way home a stop at afore mentioned sigiri for 3am chicken ravaging, resulting in a 20hour hangover the next day. That’s how I’m not not drinking, eating meat for lent.

True to Sunday meals, they are big, heavy, healthy to a vertain extent and carb-filled. Why would this Sunday be ANY different? Just because I said I would like to give carbs up somehow the world should stop dangling starchy treats in front of me? Unfortunately that is not how the world works. The world does the complete opposite and shoves as many forms of carbs in my face as it can in one day… starting with breakfast – French toast. Lunch – chapati’s, matooke, sweet potatoes and rice (I told you my family do Sunday meals), Dinner – chips! WHAT THE HELL?! That’s how I’m not giving up carbs for lent.

So after this weekend I am deeply disappointed in myself and my ability to not commit to things, but it also left me enlightened. Maybe for lent I shouldn’t give something tangible up, maybe for lent I should let go of this ability that I so strongly possess. So instead of opening my week with an affirmation similar to that of an misbehaved bad habited girl at rehab saying “Hi, I’m Gabriella and I’m an alcoholic, chain smoker, pessimist, occasional pot-head, free spirited love-seeking addict”, – granted this is an extreme of a statement, but you get the point! … I can introduce myself saying: “Hi, I’m Mo, this year for lent I’m giving up making empty promises, I’m a work in progress but I’m getting there.”

What have YOU given up for lent?

#THATAWKWARDMOMENT when you throw up on the feet of a guy you like…

I’m really warming up to twitter and the entertainment it gives me in my idle moments. I find it informative, amusing and very cool! One thing that I’m crazy about is innovations and how trends can SPREAD. Speaking of trends, twitter’s trending topics have become like ice cold water on a bloody heat-waved dusty Kampalan afternoon, you just drink them up! So I’ve decided once a month, I’ll dedicate a blog to a trending topic. This is my first one, a very popular trending topic, and really hilarious because most of the time so many of them really resonate with me as my life is a series of awkward moments.

And while we’re on this whole twitter topic… follow my twitter @moroots. It’s just as interesting as my blog 😛

#theawkwardmoment when a heavy lady trips and runs into a 25 stepped stumble and THEN proceeds to crash into the ground.  The actual falling isn’t funny – as she’ll probably hurt herself and whoever else is in the way, what is funny is everything that precedes the fall. She probably tripped initially because she can’t see her toes. She then evolves into this unstoppable ground thumping unrehearsed balance beam routine of 100 quick steps – this is probably the most exercise she has received in the last 5 years so it’s funny that she’s about to hurt herself as a result. People off balance make me giggle.

#thatawkwardmoment when you’re at a bar/club (mostly a bar) with REALLY loud music and your trying to have a conversation and SHOUTING into your friends’ ear about how I’M SO DRUNK I THINK I JUST PISSED A LITTLE, and the music just happens to cut off right after the I’m So Drunk part. Yes. Embarrassing. Everyone turns to look at you coz firstly why are you screaming? Then their eyes roll down to your vajajay area as if they are inspecting the stain this potential drop of pee has left, and then they squinch their noses up as if they can smell it!! And all this done in the total silence of a supposed to be loud establishment – awkward!

#thatawkwardmoment when you’re at someone unfamiliar’s house and you need to take a doodoo. And you take the shit and then the shit doesn’t flush and everyone BLATANTLY knows you dun the shit coz it’s only the 3 of you there! What do you do?! If you have good advice let me know. And saying “don’t doodoo at other people’s homes” is not good advice, coz what if you’re there for the whole day, or overnight, or there for a big spicy meal?

#theawkwardmoment when you’re in the village and at a function and then your Dad gets recognized and he insists on introducing his entire family. (forgive the grammatical errors of my vernacular attempt) “Mwebale munonga… Erizooba, naleeta abaana bange… Maurrrin…” I ROLL MY EYES!! GOSH DAD!! MUST YOU?!?!  Yes, apparently he must! I awkwardly stand up and smile as he laments on about how yasoma omubulaaya (studied abroad), and have a business degree, and cooks well, and enjoys cleaning and… HOLD ON A MINUTE!! ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL YOUR DAUGHTER OFF RIGHT NOW DEAR FATHER?! IT JUST DAWNED ON ME!! All these years! He’s been trying to market me for marriage! Trifling man!

#theawkwardmoment when someone else’s baby starts calling you mama after one afternoon of babysitting!!!! Ermmmmm hiiiiiiiiii! I’m young enough to be your old but still in the middle sister. I am NOT your mother. I mean it’s cute UNTIL said baby’s mother comes home and starts asking about how the day was and goes to hold her child and then the child denies her and requests for your loving tenderness!! TO ALL THE BABIES OUT THERE, your mothers shall refuse to invite me to babysit and give me money if she feels like she is being replaced by my finer sitter skills so do me a favour and STFU kid. Seriously.

The list of life’s awkward moments is literally endless! Feel free to post some of your awkward moment one liners in the comment space and make me giggle! 😀

But if God didn’t provide us with awkward moments that would make our chocolate cheeks blush crimson if they could, where would he find his entertainment from?

**MissMoRoots**